It's really demotivating my cause

Sometimes when you learn the truth that you never thought you could learn you get that information stuck in your consciousness all the time. If the information that you learned shows how behind you are it becomes a bit destructive. At times, it propels you to move faster in order to cover up the hole that you have uncovered. It's pretty sad to me really.
I am getting worried that my plans, dreams, wishes, ambitions are not happening as much as I would love to. In one of my previous writing, I mentioned how I hate it when I dream, plan and take action to make happen my ambitions and they never materialise. My disclosure of this distaste did not seem to have done me any justice, as yet. So far it has produced the opposite. I have seen something totally unbelievable. The taxman is claiming I owe him 22,092.92. But how? I filed my returns manually to capture information on my retirement lump sum tax certificate.
Hawu! How can I owe the taxman for monies which was said to be non-taxable? Enough with that, but I hope (and it's only a hope) their assessment will turn around to my favour. Just imagine, I get R22,092.92 towards Christmas. Yummie!
Secondly, when I did my online pay scale survey I found that I am way underpaid in my current job. How demoralising that can be? I earn R150,000,00 per annum instead of
R261,064,64 per annum. What an underpayment that is! Personally, I have given up in the attempt of negotiating a salary because I don't like going through the emotional pain of negotiating this salary thing. I will just hope I keep looking out for something better or that my company could become so profitable in the long run that I will not need to work or look for work.
Although these can be rather motivating or giving one a sense of direction, they are at times a demoralising factor when I am worrying about not affording most things I deem necessary for my fulfillment.