Inner conviction

In my world, the way I see it, there's not much oral articulation in the form of a promise that could culminate into fulfillment via actions. I can't seem to be what I think or say I am in my relationship. On the hand I dream of this sweet, harmonious relationship with the person I hold dear to my heart. Whenever I promise myself to
become a better, loving and peaceful husband I somehow lose my temper. More especially when I am drunk. I could love to stop drinking, smoking or going out with my wife but I tired of promising myself of restraint. I need help to get over my bad actions. I need help to keep my promises by taking the right actions. I can't argue the fact of my dreaming of a perfect marriage because that's what I'm doing. Sometimes I tend to believe that I need some form of outside validation that what I do right is worth continuing, but I could not help but force myself into convincing my heart that what I'm doing right is worth continuing.
By putting this information into pen and paper, I hope to become the change that I want to be. I wish to start a journey of emotionally, humorously mature communicative relationship with my wife. I wish to begin the road to peaceful,healthy, harmonious and quiet relationship with the person I made an impulsive choice to make my wife.