Owening 2009

2009 has been the most uplifting year for my life based on my values. However, the year has not been as good as one planned a year ago. Many good things happened then resulted in my financial insecurity. This is mainly due to my choices I have made thus far. Coupled with the current economic conditions I can not see myself well off any time soon.
Let me recap some of the choices I made that harmed my financial security. Towards the end of 2008, I opened an online share trading account with my bank. It was a promising venture that was well within my goal to own some shares in a company. I browsed through some websites and booklets to find the right trading strategies and hot share tips. I was dreaming of making a quick buck. I had read somewhere looking for a quick buck was a bad strategy, but I was of thought that I am smart enough to defy the status quo. I made a deposit of R50,000,00 to buy shares between 34c and R2.50 per share. Then a month after there was a financial meltdown. The market shook and I lost an amount of R10,000 within two weeks. I was not intimidated by that loss. I held onto my shares until november when I sold them at a loss of R10,000.
In October, I registered for a degree which I was adamant I will meke it through. I was trying to make my life more resourceful. However, through some unforeseen disinterest I did not study enough to write my exams. Then I decided not to write. By enrolling and never got to write, I wasted R3500. Money, through inconsistency, gone done the drain. What a shame!
While on it, I was busy doing my driver's licence which I got at a cost of R4500. Another money gone. In February 2009, I met a girl that I have had an interest for 3 years. When she finally agreed we go out I was elated to have achieved my longtime interest. Then, I discovered that she was in debts. She asked me to pay off her debts, which I did with great generousity. I paid her debts off. R6,000 down the drain in the name of love. What a shame! I was getting this insecurity growing in me about this relationship because I thought things will change for the better. In march, I requested my family to go to her family for proposal to pay lobola for her to be my wife. R4,000 down the drain.
After I got my driver's licence, I went for the jagular and bought my dream car, in credit, on a R25,000 deposit. Another money gone. Insecurity growing by a minute. A week after my new possession, because I wsa not yet an accomplished driver, I burned my car's clutch plate. R750 to get the car picked up by towing company. Misery creeping! All I was building for was slowly going down the drain. To get the clutch plate fixed I parted ways with R4500 plus R350 to have the car moved from one repairer to another. I was scared but kept doing the same mistakes. Then a month after the clutch plate was replaced it burned again. I parted ways with R6500 plus R450 to have the clutch replaced and towing. It was the most traumatising experience.
Because I had asked to marry the girl I love, my family went back again to pay the lobola for the love of my heart. I paid my first lobola with great doubt. What kept me going I do not know because I had grown to feel that this lady will love me only if I had money. I am still not sure about the truth behind my feelings. During the lady's lobola day, I parted ways with R7000. For what, I still do not know! I was regretting everything I was doing from that point on. On the day of lobola I got to know how much money will they need for final lobola. R15000 was the remaining balance. From this time I had no money left in all my accounts.
While on it, we had applied for a house which got approved. I started looking forward to days of having no money in my account, after I had done my calculations from my salary. Although I was speaking to her about me not having money from the start, it was not working. I was walking blindly, to the sea of love. Where it will be fine, I still have no faintest idea.
To be able to pay the remaining lobola I made a loan of R15,000.
'You can't get the best of both world', they say.
Now I happen to be in a situation where I do not know how will I handle any trouble that comes my way and require money to resolve. I do not know if I will be able to achieve my other dreams. I do not know if I will have the power to live a life, with a wife without money to support a lifestyle.
It's owening 2009! What a beautiful shame!