Writing on the wall

'Hate! Make me strong.' is line from Jean-Claude van Damme's starred movies 'Hell'. This was from a prisoner who shared a cell with him. However, as the movie went on, it proved that the very 'hate' he was not ashamed of articulating was actually love.




This inference, I have come to equate with my concurrent feelings with regard to people I come to contact with. (Here, I'm not referring to anyone whom I have a saliva and tongue relationship like). In the movie, A beautiful mind, John Nash, a mathematical genius of his own, said to his apparently hallucinatory friend,'I don't like people much, but I also noticed that people do not like me much, so it's a back to back situation.' What that can translate to, as far as I would like to understand, is that I do not think it's coincidence that I happen not to like people much. Despite the understanding, I ask myself, just like Jacob Zuma(ANC President) has possible asked, in an interview with the City Press, 'Why do people hate me so much?' I do, however, has not experienced a public obloquy, as him. This is an instinctive conjecture that I would further like to critically find its merits. In many instances,I came to realise that my truth telling nature often get people asking what kind of person I am. The ability to answer questions with sharp opinion is not really my strong point but I'm working hard to improve my communication qualities. I will be, from now on, thinking my character than acting my character. In other words, I would like to spend more time thinking than acting because my actions sometimes get me into trouble, even when the petty troubles I get into are somewhat odd to me. Here it's not to say I have no understanding that my views can be different from others but I think different views should not constitute a dislike to someone.
As a tactful, subtle and sometimes, ruthless person being hated doe s not concern me, although I have not find any basis to prove that people hate me.
The writing on the wall might seemingly be fear which has manifested itself in me. I have found it blissfully geniune to regard the hate as natural jealousy that my character tend to attract from people.
So writing in the wall need not be an issue.

Listening,Hearing and Misinterpretation

'Speak your mind, they pretend not to be listening but they're hearing' is an intellectual revolution that sought to rid ignorance. Or did it really!

Because I seem to get a lot of criticism about my interaction with people., which I have no problem with. I'm not really a people's person at heart but I do manage to along with quite a few. A couple of people have stated that I do not take anybody's idea. What? I dare say that such characterisation holds no water whatsoever. In listening, one should have an opportunity to hear what is said. 'Hear'. When you hear, you do not readily agree with the suggestion. Not to say you have better thoughts but values are ordinarily, guides to what anyone engaged in a debate agrees or disagrees. Yes, I'm a good listener but I do not readily agree to people's suggestion; thus, I hear what people say. Some have misinterpreted my healthily confrontational scepticism as to show I'm pig-headed. 'Pig-headed', may be, but I believe that I'm an opinionated individual who happen to like an honest argument which does not breach personal values. It also dawned in me that my uncompromising and meticulous need for quality and perfection has and may be misinterpreted as yearning for popularity. Apparently, this 'popularity' which is said to be a driving force in my character is rather unachievable. What is not realised is that, intuitively, I disregarded 'popularity' because I figured out it was an unrealistic goal for sophisticated and accomplished individuals like I. Now, I ask, which evidence or facts do my detractors have to utter such malice accusations.
I do not think myself as dictatorial or bossy for that matter. What I would like to be percieve is someone who's cool, distant and intellectually adventurous

Furthemore, I would not be retorting if I had not listened and heared, but attention and criticism brought to me is worth every second if it's well founded and based on facts, not from non-value observation.

I do listen, hear, try to interpret what people are actually saying in an objective manner.' I would like to engage in a debate that allows us, as people, to show that we are all human being who have serious concerns to discuss. I'm trying to say there is irreverent emphasis on my importance. What i'm trying to stregthen is an open lifestyle that I'm unconsciously inheriting. A lifestyle that listen to people's criticism, modify them for the better, and finally, become a better citizem of the the global community. 'A better citizen' does not mean 'better than any other person' but what it means is deep seated honesty to be fundamentally good to oneself, own aspirations, and others. However, this assertion does not promote complacency, where people gain the advantage of mainipulating me. Open ended honesty is encouraged but should not give anyone access to underhanded tactics.
I can not afford to be bossy in my than I can be an articulate, controversial intellectual, who happens to swallow his pride and resort to shame culture.
Despite my being misinterpreted on my statement, sometimes due to my frail communication, I will continue to be as rhetorical, or other's term 'argumentative'. This, I'll do, when I'm in doubt of what the speaker to ears is saying. How am I going to do this? Through asking provocative questions, some of the will be unsettling to listener. When in doubt, do research and qustioning is the fundamental functioning of research.
Above all, I continue to listen, hear and weed misinterpretation. I wouldn't care less if I happen to, rhetorically, step into other people's shoes to get the message accross. Nothing beats precise and clear communication.

My opposite sex

In the era of entitlement, most people think everyone they hang out with or associate with owe them their path to whatever 'entitlement'. Bluntly, I don't owe anyone anything or hold anyone's path to entitlement.


In my surroundings, I came across individuals who happen to have unrealistic expectation of me. Initially, I thought it fortunate for those expectations coming from the opposite sex. You might be thinking. Is this not every cynical male talk about when they have failed to convince a certain girl to bed them after a couple of beers? To say, yes, it's partly true, would not be overbearing. But, consider this; a group of women gathering in a their usual place to chat about issues affecting them and enjoying a couple of drinks. With me(male) sitting there, sharing a beer or two with them. Generally, absolutely normal unmarried women talk about clothes, kind of man they want, or, precisely, their hopes and fears.


The global community has been unindated, for almost a century, with upholding and cherishing women's rights to freedom, a beautiful life, empowerment. These values are qualities society needs more than we can hope since it categorically emphasise and enhance human rights. In having agreed on such resolution, men were sitting at the round long table agreeing to follow and practice the resolution. Where were women at that stage? Despite my very grumpy view, most women advanced to their highest possible dreams. I dare someone to come before me and say women need to be abused. I have all confidence that no rational, sceptical man can dare say or do such thing. Neither do I. Women abuse is condemned and worth heavy punishment. However, there's some negativity hindering women. What? Who? Who, what can it be than women themselves.Most women have a problem. Or should I don't understand their psychology, as everyone is used to say. I think they misunderstood a global ideal to respect, empower them. Most of females I happen to have met came to think of my standing as an individual as an opportunity to serve their needs. I have found it wrong and betrayal of global women ideals to note that there's lady who'll ask me to buy her something in this age, where women's rights are foremost in global agenda. Am I overreacting? Or is their idea of empowerment and freedom to a beautiful life, an opportunity to exploit man, mostly materially and financially? I stand against both these notions if anyone believe its truth. I have, met good looking women who also happen to be exceptionally intelligent than I and the only thing I can do was to admire them. I'm not against the idea of, 'if you anger a women you have angered a dangerous,hard, strong rock, but our sisters out there need to know that we don't owe them anything and should know to get what is due to them they work for it. That's empowerment at its best, I hope. Sitting around, gossiping and waiting for their husband's pay check never worked or it's something I hope not to do in my life. Their tendency to think they're beyond criticism is another pitfall of many. Our society has taught women to celebrate themselves and be free from fear because society has an undeniable role to protect them. That's true and warrant able, but it's also condemnable for them to sit and ridicule the very men who they said he mustn't abuse? Males are dangerous species more specially when angered.


Our sisters need to respect themsleves enough to undervalue, undermine and ridicule an honest man whose respect for the opposite sex is guided by an undertaking to respect, and protect women. As someone whose integrity lies in being more mentally than being emotional about delicate matters, I will constantly disengage myself from getting emotionally responsive until they realise there isn't anything I owe them. Perhaps my mistake would've been to express my love for sex, but who doesn't want to have sex when they're in a relationship. I will try find another way of expressing this need gentlemanly. In this way I'll be avoiding an embarrasment that women hurls at me, when I try to be upfront. Another resolution, which I hope will make things easier for me with the opposite sex, is to refrain from being the 'I' type. Apparently, ladies do not like a self involved person. There's more for me to do in terms of trying to sound diplomatic. However, I have never found it reasonable not expect ladies to confirm a request. There's a percetion that you have to understand their reaction in order to know whether she has confirmed your request. It's unrealistic to rely on such impression. If reaction was paramount women would've not have had brains and mouth.
Let's appreciate and be dynamic.

I'm an optimist

I fear not recession. Because being the self involved person that I am, economics interests me when I'm studying its concepts. Practical, I try to cast another picture when economic performance slows down. I do not think, like any other optimist, the current econonmic slow down will last for more than three months or continue to slow down as it is now. This kind of thinking might seem a bit over-optimistic, but economics as it is has never been an exact science. It's interesting and warranted to set inflation targeting but factors that determine achieving such an objective depends on whether industry's output lives to expectation after other economic facilitations such as monetary policy and developmental policy, so forth. We might say economics is partly art and science.
I'm no superman or have an economic Rosetta Stone waiting to be discovered in me, but I have not find any reason so far to worry about the current global economic condition. This unconcerned utterance is not an attempt to downplay the crisis. There's crisis but that's for well versed economic leaders to uncover the mysteries that may lead to sustainable solution. My 'unconcerned utterance' is an optimistic attempt to say 'if I understand that this situation is now part of our daily struggle, since it happened in 1929, 1987, 1998, then there's no need to worry because it passes all the time.'
In seeing hope where there's none does not mean to be over-optimistic. What it generally means is that when one refer to how the mind works, we find that we can make our own reality by changing our state of mind. 'Our own reality' which pessimists will see as self deception or delusion. If the mind expects truth, growth and beauty, then it attracts similar to its environment. Then imagine if 20 out of 30 good economists assigned to come up with sustainable solutions for current and future economic growth wants,needs truth,beauty and growth out of global economic, thus the possibility of such yearning is warrant able, isn't it? An example of sort is applicable since economics is not an exact science.
Optimism!!Not at all an exact science either. The nice thing about being an optimist, though, compared to economic condition, is that it's entirely up to the subject concerned. To be optimistic does not automatically state you look not at the negative sections of an issue, but using whatever is within your disposal to manifest positive change you want to see happen.
Looking at another matter which perception is mounting about presidential material. What is a presidential material? In technical terms a presidential material would be someone who has distinctive and accurate understanding of the working of various issues which are for the benefit of a nation. Hang on! Such elaboration is equal to an intellectual, isn't? Doesn't this mean all intellectuals are presidential material? Personality! What personality should anyone we see as presidential material possess? Calmness.Aggression.Above average intellect. I'm no leader of people or a follower of social events; thus I cannot make any substantial judgement of leadership values. I'm an individual living by values: humbleness, uprightness, constant care, and so forth. And these values I did not conceive but peacefully and humbly ingrained in my blood. I would equate myself to an advise wise Ceaser once give to his subject, Brutus, when he said,`Our fault dear Brutus, lies not in the stars, but in us because we are underlings.' That's an advise we can expect from a leader, not from an individual. I'm an individual. An optimist.
Optimism, however, does not mean subjecting myself to uneducated views of people who happens to resort to selfish reasons and undertakings to my dislike. Why am I saying this? There are certain individuals who have tried to undermine my individuality and independence, from my neighbourhood. It's surprising after so much that I was prepared to offer they still think there isn't anything I can do but to be taken advantage of. Well, Lauryn Hill, on her song Mr Intentional, stated that hers is not materially based love or she's not available if that's so. I can't see any reason not to uphold such a principle. It is a finality that I can not hang out with these girls from my neighbourhood because the emotional burden they give me is highly intolerable. I can't, however, mention their names but my memory is selective enough to understand which people I'm referring to.
Basically, this kind of attitude is paramount in trying to deepen genuine optimism.

The Charm of Words,Phrases

Everyone is talking about looming recession, market crash, high unemployment.
I have decided to turn my attention to something less disturbing. I love words, big words, phrases, wise phrases. Cynically, who doesn't like to sound clever by using magnanimous words? Few people, i guess. Complicated sophistication is what attracts me to the charm of words, phrases. Just as much as I enjoy the perception of social entrepreneur. This(social entrepreneur) is an individual who holds dearly the love people bestow upon him/her.


The intricacy associated with this love emerge once one get exposed to different kind of writing material that tease enough mental curiosity to want the exact meaning of such phrases. For instance, you tell anyone to stick to the knitting. What will generally be thought as is sitting in front of sewing machine the whole time, which might be basically true. However, in the fantastic reality of meaningful metaphors, this might basically state,'stick to what you know'. One other interpolation was a direct but substantial statement by one famous philosopher. He said,'beer is proof that God wants us to be happy.' Weird, isn't it? Because it overrides long held views of beer as a social deform er. Wise, isn't? Because this was stated a well known individual add enough value to its influence.


It's the words that emancipate our perception of someone, something.I,imaginatively saw, Julius Cesar as one of the wisest man in political and thought leadership, not because he said something I understood but Shakespeare's writing engaged my perceptual to regard the wise Cesar as brilliant and undeniably the best. Who would not have found it interesting to have known this phrase,' the eye dear Brutus, sees not itself but through the reflection of some other things or Our fault dear Brutus, lies not in the stars but on us because we are underlings.'

As a wishful thinker, I have always needed to speak so fluently the English language. I wanted to speak in manner that the language sound so natural to the listener. The care exercisable in the influence exert able in the use of words is irretrievably warranted to satisfy both the charm of phrases and words. With the regard in mind i have not declared my identity as anti-African but the beauty necessary for me is the incisive need to master the unirvesal language, sometimes to the suprise of the queen herself. The populism that i'm inherently born with can not be ignored in the making of such classical language beauty come true.
Although being unable to communicate in a polite and professional manner is not all doom and gloom, there's yearning that happen to lack in average people like myself. To understand the requisite to manage communication flow without sounding too enthusiastic or less enthusiastic. Everyone have an idea the should be balance in communication and what kind of balance, but when is the balance applicable? However, in contrast to the lovely charm of words, phrases, I'll try to be geniunely polite and professional in my work. I give credit to my new manager for such a suggestion, becuase it goes in line with my objective of being an impeccable communicator.

My weaknesses

It'll be competently unhumble for me to give a peice of my self image if I continually give only my adventurous self without giving any judgement on my 'occasional error of judgement.' This time I vow that after this picture I try to cast, rather honest, anyone will be able to see my admittance of being human.



It's three 3pm, on Saturday. My story begins. As, sometimes, a proud person I conjure myself to being the most sensible thing that the globe would like to think of. However, I failed to note that the world do not always revolve around me. The stock market closed on an indifferent note on Friday. I'm in a hope of racking big bucks from this hobbies. I realised that having money work for has two different fundamentals. 'Fundamentals!' This is another technique used to measure the value of a share. Investment in a bank is for security and investment in JSE is for risk and reward. Remember, the saying, 'no pain, no gain'. The pain caused by the volatility of the market is unbearable to the faint hearted. I feel lucky to have a weakness of not listening to fear spread around on the possibility of recession, because I, personally, think our current global economics system are self regulatory. Finance ministers around the globe can implement policies that seem attractive to potential investors, but I have every doubt that free market economy is self regulatory. Self regulatory in a sense that people are the market, not the activity.



When critics, over the past two months, stated that foreign investors withdrew money from South Africa, many thought that it's because of the current political turmoil taking toll in our country. However, this view point fits well from the context of opposition political party. The truth of the matter, as my CEO, stated was because investors affected the dollar/rand exchange because foreign investors withdrew the investment to help salvage the global credit crunch in their country. I feel lucky to be in a country with prudently conservative and strict, economic policies and banking regulations, respectively.



I do not know about the proposal of the Communist Party to let go of the attractive 6 percent inflation target. But I have full confidence that this 6% inflation is good for intellectual communist party, considering the fact their communist policies hero relied on free market generated income to feed himself and publish a his manifesto. Remember the father of communism, who said capitalism is dreadful, while Friedrich Engels, was a Manchester mill owner. If it hadn't been for Engels, Marx would never have finished the book. In fact, if it hadn't been for Engels, Marx would never have finished his evening meal. Marx took his distaste for capital to the extent that he never had any. Whether or not the irony was deliberate, he wrote his text condemning capitalism while living off its charity.



It's my weakness to be gregarious.


The current state of inhuman affairs, where women and children are allegedly raped everyday is uncalled for. While such ugly acts occur, I remain open minded, rightly trying to curve an impression to women that I'm not the bastard who undermine women's power or their rights to dignity. I've come to conclude that they have taken advantage of such attitude towards them. Then I ask myself,'Is there something I'm doing wrong? Am I supposed to manifest the already held view of men being dogs? I'll leave the former to beaus out there to decide, while I vehemently deny living under the force of the latter. Doing so, I can only hope, will help advance the ideal personality women should assocaiate with me.


What characteristics of my ideal personality I withstand to have it resonate on this difficult relationship?


No man is flawless, but I think trying to subtly admit my faults will not help much. I'm too sweet, honest for subtlety. I'll truthfully detail where did I go wrong and if I found enough time I'll be able to clarify the reason for wrong doing and enough foresight to circumvent similar mistakes taking place. This will not only resonate truthfulness, rsponsibilty but will restore trust. It breaks my heart to see a beautiful lady walking or sitting next to me but I could not speak to her since what's implanted to her mind is aggravation that men can cause in your life. Based on current state, I agree with this thinking 76% on the scale of 100%. But what about the 24%? This where I and other ordinarily harmless men fall in. We are few. However, the grave harm caused by the 76% diminishes the value of us, the twenty-six percenters.

To complement the weakness that accrue from my thinking that I have above average intellect and sheer brain power to move substantial amount of people, is the lack of evidence. I have not been in a position to speak in public where my audience were gripped and making sense of what I happen to be saying, let alone my being comfortable with public speaking. When can someone say with conviction, there's a gift inside his/her soul without practical evidence? Personally, I doubt.
There are quite substantial weaknesses that humankind consciously come to contact with. In lust for life, I have come to understand that acknowledging one's strengths has altruism when one remain humble and forthright. However, I also realised there's more to learn in the life of Owen towards, not only greater good, but bad.
That's just my weaknesses.
Au revoir.

In love and money

Money can't buy love. Money can't chase away love. Love is free. Love is forever.
These are statements that seem to contradict the subject in question. In our generation with money one can get all the love he needs. Apparently with a car you have all the advantage that anyone can have.
This is very practical. But is it downright and unconditional love. I hope it is. But for the sake of trythinkin' I'll unflinchingly demonstrating my personal love ideals. My ideals are, ordinarily flexible and attempt to be enterprising.
The fault, unfortunately, is that enterprising ideals tend to be misinterpreted as egotistical and intolerance. What is intended in my love and money is not open ended loyalty to my ideals but a generation of thought that I hope to apply in the quest called 'love'. To try change the ongoing attitude about my attitude in relationships.
Before I can get to my stream of conscious ideals about love, it can be independently lightening to observe my love characteristics which have been associated with my love life: like to take the lead, want women to admire me, possessive, casanovic, moderately jealous and impatient in relationships, so forth.
Because I'm not immune to criticism, I have no intention to argue these characterisation. However, detailing my ideals will generate more viewpoints and questions to avert the fallacy of being pigheaded and intolerance of different opinions.
My ideal lover is an independent, adventurous and ambitious beau who can move heaven and earth to get what she wants. I also do not mind if she earn more than I or she drives a fancy car than I can hope to buy.
Point of warning: I'm not saying i'm using this opportunity to find a date. However, this, I see, as healthy wishful thinking anyone can live with.
My plan is to have a wild life as any imagining being would dream about. With her I can hardly harbour any hard feelings, because I have come to understand that in love we annoy each other, but the strength of love can be measured through overcoming minor differences. Being in love will be complemented by the financial backup I hope is available between the two of us. Sometimes it's true that I cannot stand a dependant mate.
She's not only my lover, but my friend, my coach, a partner in adventure and my provider. Perhaps having her around will strengthen the possible wealth I have obsessively told myself to amass. I would not mind people labelling me as greedy, as long as they do not take my wealth away. One other positive aftermath of being in love will be my ability to stop smoking. Here, I'm not trying to say I can't stop this rather infamous habit, I'm wilfully trying to avoid being in the situation where I have to smoke. Because money has the power of moving people to places they wouldn't normally go, I will not be strained, anyhow to take her places that are very appealing to the senses, dine and bed in luxurious places. This does not have to be an instant occurrence, but if dumb luck allows me then I will not hesitate to be gregariously lavish on her.
However, if I luck gets to me quick then I'll be shrewdly manage to plan a life where fun remain the only passion.
With my previous success on matters of self interests, my ideal lover will be someone in a position to understand and be able to deal with this persistent and unavoidable part of my character. I'm the one whom Julius Ceaser's statement to Brutus still resonates in my head. He said,'the fault dear Brutus lies not in the star but in us, because we're underlings.' I expect not my life to be driven by any other force other the force in me. However, this ideal will never harm my intentions to remain a collectively integral role player and involving in making the relationship work to serve best both our interests.
In an inspirational context I'll say,'love and money go hand-in-hand. I vow not to interfere in making my ideal working harmoniously and without casting any doubts in the minds of all female, who may happen to be someone special needed in my love and money trail.'
Sayanora

Error of possessiveness

Why would you need to have undivided attention from someone?

Never mind the question I asked. Let's dwell on the practicality of possessiveness.

You have, for example, a car that you bought rather expensively and you value its worth. Someone come to borrow your car. Apparently to use on some urgent matter.

Would you borrow your friend?

Should you not do so, doesn't that constitute possessiveness? Or you borrow him your car, only to realise later that he went to do his other matters outside what he requested for, then it oversteps the service mileage that you had while you had no money to finance it, will shouting at him not insinuate possessiveness? No, not at all. This criticism of possessiveness is dumbfounded and pretty much irrelevant in my circumstances. I'm an ideological being who have insane fear of owning heavy material possessions. This fear is unjustifiable, but it accrued from experience of having lost some of the things that I held dearly in my heart because of my now faded trust of some people. People in generally, have not uttered this quality of my being possessiveness. Disregarding subjective opinion by my detractors, I shall implore myself to technocratic and responsible management of my resources for the benefit of a simply wise being I, badly, crave to be. In this way, the uncharacteristic presentation of mself as possessive will be eradicated by genuine revelation of my savvy realisations, i.e safely engaging in sexual enigineering with beautiful lass in the coming few days. I'm personally not in favour of average lasses who cherish the idea of dating a bloke more than four times, before she can sleep with. I'm firmly convinced that if any lass knows her strengths and weaknesses, she'll waste not much time but cling into my sexual urges. This activity may have immoral specification, but when looked at as authentic desire, I hope to be expected to succeed.
To further prove the unsuccesful mechanisation.
I have been expected to finalise my share trading venture in the next coming week. I hope to dissappoint not but get into share tradinng venture and come out unscathed, but wealthy.
Apparently, large amount of money (wishfully amounting to 11.638.85) is coming my way from an outside source whom I have no clue about, at the end of October. It's neither from my monthly salary nor my investments.
Furthermore, I would dissociate from the thinking of possessiveness because I reminisce not a position where I have found myself seeking a person's full attention.
Oh, yes, my driving lessons can be something I desperately want to complete in the next three weeks, starting from the first week of November, after rediscussing my continuity and booking for lessons with the instructor on the weekend of 25 October,2008.
Applying due diligence shall not be viewed differently since the outcomes have positive reverence.
The nicest exit from me will be in informing you about my intended purchase of laptop at the end of January next year. This will be in complementary to my studies that I'll be enrolling for when Unisa registeration dates open.

Lies! Damn lies!

I hardly believe that everyone could be totally honest. I take it it's human sometimes to be a liar. Nevertheless, lying to yourself is something else. Why I am saying this is when you have the need to say something or pissed off by your own expectations.


I have had expectations from someone I care dearly about.

The expectation was to have an amount of R120,000,00 deposited to my account due to the work I have done for them from 2006. I was writing a television script which my work will be exhibited at the London Theatre becuase it can be telecasted on the local movie theatre. My expectation, like any other greedy South African, I expected to make big bucks from the script.

What I learned was that my work was reviewed and one judge suggested that it deserve a second position. But a second review stated that my work deserve only an exhibition. Why would a work deserve 'only an exhibiton' if there's no contractual agreement giving credence to such.

I bear no resentment. This was just a series of big time loses that I have gotten over. The second biggest was the South African annual short story writing competition. For three consecutive years, I have competently failed to have my name and story being called and printed in radio, and print media. There was R25.000.00 at stake.

These are financial lies that I have come to inherit

I have reminisced an adage situation which got most of us talking.

The dependability between men and women. My friend do not believe telling women the truth can help anyone get her, specifically in dating. She thinks,'women love you better when given the sense of mystery. They forgive honest souls because they recon a lack in romantic adventure.'
Personally, I distort the truth! For interest sake; I met this lady the other day at a party that I was invited at. Listen to this conversation:

Me: I'm not perfect but I have a reason.
Her: Okay!(disinterested)
Me: That's why you are not smiling.
Her:(surprised) But I don't know you.
Me: Have you known me, we would not be her. Forgive my imperfection. And assume you have made me perfect in an instant.
Her: I don't mind.
Me: In a perfect world,that you took me to, I'm Owen. I love to believe that I can think deeply when I'm not in a party.
Her: I'm .........(she asked me not to mention her name)
Me: Assuming that we now know each very well, can we have a drink together,(sensing that she'll refuse) with consent from your friends, of course.
Her: It's fine. I'll stay.
Bingo!
Next Step. Because reality is a persistent illusion. I said,' As far as I'm not perfect, you'll not be bored.'
Her: What it's interesting about you?
Wow! A million dollar question.
Me: I do not know what to say to have nice women like you give me consent to touch you all over. But I have always assumed that they would love to get the feel of my inner world.
Her smile, which sometimes serve as a confirmation of my getting to bed, cropped up.
This was part of distorted truth that can be called lies!damn lies! Very untidy but can work and would like to help advnace the pursuit of these qualities: sophisticated, urbanised, well executed lies. And staying positive about it.
NB. If you would like to join me in this lies series, just have an ideal that you're working torwards, but exclude material or financial pride and lies because that needs physical evidence.
Lie ideally!

To be afraid

What makes anyone scared? Is fear justifiable?



There are kinds of fear that one cannot avoid. Some are justifiable fears. But what about being told about fears that you have no knowledge of. Should you be scared? Will the fear be justifiable? My answer can be 'yes'. You can be scared for recieving information about being told that you are scared. Fear gives me hope! Hate gives me strength!


What I'm trying to achieve is the reliance on my inner power to keep my well being sustained. I have not any evidence that show that there's someone I do not like much or I need them more than they need me. That's very scary! While learning to be afraid, it is improbable to smile because the two do not equate.



Be very afraid!



What would you do when you're branded as uncompromising while in contrary you're expected to compromise. I get very afraid of those who brand me. No man is unable to direct his own future for his very own selfish gains. And I'm no exception.
Quite lately, I have tried to reach out t people in a very nice way. Perceptually, this showed my extroverted side. However, I have found it loyally reasonable to hang out a lot during weekends. This due to certain circumstances that affect my pocket badly. Buying booze does not help a lot. I have found that people will normally expect me to supply their drinking needs, something I have come detest lately. Secondly, there's this fine lady in the neighbourhood. 'Yes, the one I once said she told her friends that I'm in love with.' I'm not saying that I have no interest but I'm saying that I hardly force people to like me. I expect people, for example, if we are love, to know that all requirements for love to grow must be met openly.
I'll be very afraid to tell her again that we should sleep together.
Why?
Because I asked her on Saturday, just to have the time for me. Her response, 'not today'.
I did not react because I never react to situations. I diverted my attention to something.
Proactive plan: To move or not to move? Because she talk loudly, I'll listen to her words but patiently awaiting for sign to take swift action about her being ready.
If that does not work then I can gladly admit failure.
I will be more watchful to her being clingy. I do not expect her or anyone to ask me for money. So if she can be clingy in love then, I'm off.
But drinking alcohol for this period is not my favourite hobby.

For the love of money

Everyone under the sun freedom is number one. Please sing my song of financial freedom.

Trading shares has become another adventure that I would love to master in coming months and for the rest of my earthly life.

After reading some info about share trading on the net, I got the impression that share trading is not necessarily about making a quick buck but something that can be viewed as an adventure while big bucks are coming in. This adventure does not exclude thinking and taking chances for a quick buck.
I am personally someone who does not mind having difficult times even when I'm viewed as stubborn or pretending to be in control. Whoever thinks I'm bossy will not be further from the truth. The context of a boss in the love of money is way out. What I can assert is that if I feel bossed around I keep queit, but as an easy person it is not hard to see that I do not like it.
I have learned as well that people who have the love of money are not necessarily well liked but people whom we can learn to live with. This minimal popularity has a lot to do with the fact that the love of money can give one a single minded pursuit toward achievement. In this instance people like me could not be take advises about their personality because that's not what they care about.
What do they care about?
Money?
Yes, money and working hard for that money motivates them greatly. And I'm no exception.
I can be irritable at times. But who doesn't?
This an affinity that I will come master after registering with my bank to trade shares in the coming days. I'm waiting for your criticism which I'll listen to but hardly take because if it's not related to my achieving excellence then what hell!

The Lure of Love

Love is blind. Love is not blind. My lover is blind. My lover is not blind. Love sees what matters. My lover sees what matters.
Over the past few days, I have been stunned by someone who screamed their love for me. She told her friends how much she loves me. I was sitting just about 10metres away from her, constantly making contact. I and her live near each other; less than 100 metres away. She is cute, I can say, but her words left me blushing and, somewhat, shy. No one in my entire life has openly declared their love for me. Not to say I do not appreciate her openly declaring her passion, but it took me by surprise that she was so strong about it. It left me wondering how would I learn to affectionately appreciate love in a very open manner. Okay! One incident that bring doubt to the ordeal is, we were drinking.
Eish! Her name. Lebogang.
I do not think she had forgotten what she said the day after, but on that evening something that confirmed her feelings was an extremely passionate kissing we engaged in. Still, publicly. I personally enjoyed it.
The thing with me in relationships, is that I want to have sex to know that there's some chemistry going on between I and her. While wanting to have sex is not a bad thing, since there was an article which I have read about relationships stating that women like to feel emotionally connected to know that they are in love, while man want to have sex to connect with their partner.
Stating the good news only will not help either. In all honesty, having sexual intercourse with her would wonderful.
Another thing in me is the other women who are her friends as well. This confuses me because I think I would love to engage not only socially with them, but sexually. This might sound a bit immoral. I understand! I'm trying to reflect the truth about me, that's all.
In the lure of love I hope more will prevail.

The art of leadership

I have never been a leader in my comfort zones. But the art of leadership is articulated in many books, to my questioning their viability. However, I have found myself questioning as well the ability of leaders within my zone. How I got the to question everything, I do not understand because I have no flipping idea how it is like to be in a leadership position.
I cannot limit myself to giving preffered style of leadership, provided I was a leader of some sort. Political leadership is the most complicated of them all. People, in politics, have to raise their issues without fear repudiation. I imagine, in vain, a political meeting where issues and direction that should be taken, how I can control the situation which become unsettling. Therefore, the art of persuasion becomes the only reason why I should gain perspective to ensure the issues on the agenda get resolved with diligent satisfaction. I'm boldly stating that persuasion is an effective and efficient method that the true art of leadership requires. I have doubts about my ability to have influence and win the confidence of others.
Firstly, my communication can easily become an emotional baggage. Some people can assert that I have leadership, but how do they validate their conclusion surprise me. I have come to regard myself as an insignificant individual who has unrealistic perception about himself and his abilities. Secondly, my need to be have lovable power elude me. Power to me is about people understanding when they can push me. I can confidently assert I'm stubborn enough to hate taking orders from others. But lately, I have felt very much soft and rather being taken advantage of as a consequence.
I do not think averyone can be a leader, myself included. But I'm bad in taking advise, as well.
My ideal quality of leadership: To make people love themselves. My listening to them and have them do whatever they like thereafter without asking me to do it for them. Have them know what they need to achieve and let them find the how.
This remain an ideal since I can not make out why I'm sometimes moody and feel good about it and that does not make me an ideal candidate for leadership position. Another factor is my looth for conversations which relate to anything about anyone. What I know is that I have my own preferences. The phrase by John Nash, from the movie, A beautiful mind, I have come to relate to. He stated,'I do not like people much, but I also found out that people do not like me much either.' I also have insecurities that I cannot figure out. For instance, I have set myself an impressive plan to date nice women, but till now, I have not managed to make a move on anyone. How unrealistic! My selfishness, entreched impatience and confusion have become part of my leading my life. In my thinking I cannot bear the good thing about life, let alone a good advise, becuase I just, without reason, can't. It's like saying 'I want to be good, but I seem not to get to goodness.'

In the centre of attention

There's a love of attention on everyone's inner yearning, and I'm no exception. But this love of attention, I learned, should be done with enough tact and quality. 'Qualitative love of attention!'.
Yes, the sought of attention should be performed.
There are certain friendly, but rather intention doubtful people in my circle of friendshood that I have found to want to impress a lot. On the past weekend, 12 September 2008, I went for an overdrive that landed me into trouble I would like to avoid for the rest of my life. I got arrested on friday night for a stupid public drinking. Okay, to have you know how did it started, I will detail to you.
On friday, I had not enough money to buy myself even a drink. What did I do?
I borrowed R20.00 from my niece. I do not like having large debts because it gives me a fright all the time. I bought beers with my friends, who have lately enjoyed my spending habits to the extent that some of them thought of me as someone being taken advantage of. Being taken advantage of might be true, but I do not want to entertain that idea because I allocate money everytime to have fun and I have no desire to lose all my money based on the perception that someone think I'm a fool. R20.00 was not enough. My beers were finished within an hour. Because I have made a costly mistake to live with people who are poor, they had no money to finance their drinking habits, thus I fit the bill. You see, I do not mind buying people useless things like alcohol, because I know that it only hold them back. Another overdrive! Because I have an intention of sleeping with most of these girls, I took another risk. I went to the owner of the shebeen to give me six beers. I had no money, but I managed to persuade her to give me in exchange that she hold my phone until I find money to repay her. It wasn't a lot of money, anyway. This state of risk has been entrenched by the books that I read all the time. Business literature encourage risk.
Why did you have you phone held by someone in exchange of mere alcohol, shouldn't you have gone home? No. I wanted to be the centre of attention before the eyes of two girls, specifically. I wanted them to let it go and admit their love for me, say yes to my urge to have sleep with me. I was winning, until one girl from these two said she was going to a night virgil. Thank you!
I suggested we go together; which she didn't refuse. In my head it was a 'bingo'. She decided we take a beer with us. To which I did not say 'no'. Off we go, after I had changed my clothes to something warm, since it was late and a bit cold. We were three, including a friend of hers. After a short distance, she was calling 'baby'. Inside was the feeling of insecurity but I resisted it. She proposed a baby kiss, to which I didn't say yes, but I manipulated that by going for a very deep kiss that felt so good. We walked for a distance, talking. Then she walked further from me. I was left to walk with her friend. It made me a bit uncomfortable because I also wanted to sleep with. I was confident that I will sleep with either one of them.
Then the unfortunate happen! Lights on, police vehicle from nowhere in front of me! Good gracious! What did I do now? Ooh, I know what I did. I was holding a beer with my hand, in public. What next? I did not try to bribe the police who are popular of taking bribes. I apologised, humanly, but to no avail. I let it go and got into a police vehicle. Luckily, the girls I was with were not arrested. I slept in jail for the night and I was released on bail of R300.00 the next evening. It was another set back that I would love not to get myself into again and ever, because the three hundred was borrowed from another person. I hate credit.
Finally, I would persevere with my pursuit of attention, but I will also try to get myself out of unnecessary trouble that lead to my using my money to resolve it.

How I want to work

Someone I cannot remember once said,'What ever you do just do it with all your passion and painstaking planning.' It's an ideal I would love to work towards that ideal.

Work is not something to love but it is 'must' like when a genius want his work done to perfect completion. Here I'm refering to healthy obsession about what one does. This need of thoroughness I should apply in whatever task I undertake. I'm not saying I will not be making mistakes but I'll be trying hard to do something with detailed desire and precision of a surgeon. It is widely true that everyone has an innate need to do anything to a point of perfection, but that has nothing to do with me at the moment. It's a single minded desire that I have so far. This thorough desire for organized working style I should apply from every 'small' viewed task such as doing filing to longstanding, from advertising to writing, from marketing to sex. Now you have it! I have a desire, so please pray for me. It's a maddening experience, a need to do something better than one has done it before, a need to take every task as a matter that need undivided completion and manageability. I cannot confirm that to achieve this yearning requires above average intellect, but I have a feeling that average people like me can reach it if they let nothing stand in their way to accomplish this rather painful but notoriously rewarding adventure. I admit to not have learned this skill at an early stage.

The wide desire to be good at what i do does not mean there can be any distinction between my not so pleasant behaviour. I don't not value my behaviour so much because I find it very irrelevant to my pragmatic nature. Being true to myself is a necessity.

This ideal does not require me to be a super showman, but to have a background of how, why I want to achieve the ideal. Here, I'm not refering to my seclusion from dependence to other people. No! It's far from that.

To forge ahead with this vision of 'pursuit of excellence', will abviously require me to compromise a lot and doing so will not give me that enough peace, but hey, something have to be painful to be exceptional. I'm also not trying to transform myself into a superhero but the expression of genuine interest. I'm an admire of people who are thorough, efficient and organized. I try to learn the practicality of being painfully organized. Although I have been described as energetic and everything that links me not to intelligent personality, I'm willing to strive to excellence.

Things Fall Apart

The tendency for me to be outspoken has reached a point where one must sit back and learn to tolerate oneself. Over the past few weeks I have been in a state of doubt about the route I was taking to let my adventurous spirit fly. Socrates is the ancient philosopher who I have come to admire for his provocative rhetoric. Always a questioner, 'What if we think what we do is the right while it is actually the wrong?' I come to the thinking that everyone wants to do the right thing in their life. Back to me, I have met many interesting people over the past weeks. Most of those I took interest on were women. This due to the fact that I have wanted to date very beautiful women only. Luckily, I got to talk to some of them and I have insisted on growing the friendship to the next level. I can't find anything to credit for this stroke of, but because of i'm in the process of smoothing my attitude and thinking to have edible persuasion that ensure I get into sexual intercourse with most of them, easily. There was a party that I went to. I was invited by my friend, who was invited by his girlfriend to her friend's party. I sensed we were to have a good time. When we arrived we were introduced to most attendees. Know anything about the law of attraction? Love at first sight? Something like that? I got to meet a girl whom I knew first hand that I want to speak to her as long as fate allows. I introduced myself to her with Abraham Lincoln like honest. Because I took her number, I explained to her why I will not talk to her 'we are all drinking.'
You see, I learned that going out sometimes help because I got to meet people I would not meet if I was staying home. I have come to admit that i'm an extrovert who would like to be liked and attracted to many beautiful things in life.
Through that experience, I have come to realise that I need to manage my finances rather i intelligently and responsible. This means I have to have a budget for fun while having lots of money left for the rest of the month. I have applied for a credit card that has been approved and it should be on its way soon. Why I applied for credit card? I want to make sure that I always have a positive balance, which can give me enough points on the eyes of the creditors. I will love to maintain a positive balance of R1,000,00 every month.
The market: I want to project and act myself as 'myself' who is positoned in the social cycle of the middle class. This does not mean that I'm trying to keep up with the Joneses, but a projection that is compatible to the life I would love to live if I choose where to be born and to live.
The Life: As my intention to live life as a lust is something I can attempt, the life characterised by risk, passion and surprises seem to follow me even when I try hard to evade it. I have decided to let it be.

Driving

This word can convey different meaings. But in this context I would love to remain objective about the word insteaad of detailing its meaning. It's a personal minicrisis that took place today, Saturday 23, 2008 August. You see, like every other individual who has something to do when not at work.
At 06h45, I was awake looking out for a day that it can be. Ordinarily, this a pay day when the following Monday is the 25th. I was looking forward to having my money deposited to my account. At 07h14, i left the house to Joburg city centre, where I was going to 'drive'. I arrived there at around 08h00. Previously, when I arrived, the guy would tell me to wait for the instructor to come but today it wasn't like that. The guy who stays in the office told me something that made me a bit sceptical. He said,'please wait for the instructor outside, he's just moving out the truck from the parking bay.' That was fine but he added,' wait for him at pie shop corner.' What! When i first came here the instructor parked his truck at the street after the pie shop. Prior to that, I found that the money deposited to my account was not the amount I expected. I was mentally calculating how did R1,500,00 missed in my account. I had been thinking about this from last month. Okay! Then came the instructor! Nice one, my lesson are to begin. I got to the driver's sit, ready to drive with flair. Off we go, keeping my eyes open to his suggestion. 'Turn left, turn right and so forth.' Then the moment of truth arrived. He wanted to refill the car. We went to the garage. When he told me to turn right, I looked where right was. It was the garage, I can't name it due to my reservation to free publicity, that I turned to. I intended to stop at right next to the tank. But according to the instructor, I was way off the tank lid and filling station tank. He told me to 'reverse'. Reverse! I couldn't believe what he told me. I have been driving for the second time. I reversed the truck. Booffff!!!! We hit another car. It was a taxi.
Discontinued! Because i'm looking forward to being the driver that I can be!

The Man I am

There's a strongly entreched perception about being a man in the streets of my social circle. To prove your manhood, you must 'live with your girlfriend'. This perception might be valid in many ways because it is the norm of mankind to evolve through family. What this perception has failed to consider is the preparation that come with 'living with your girlfriend' to prove your manhood. Basic human needs such as shelter,food, security and clothing should be taken into consideration when deciding to live with your girlfriend. As the man that I am I have found myself to be rather scattered and a bit inconfident to put into effect the perception.
My past experience has shown me i'm still immature to take care of anyone whom i might consider 'my girlfriend'. I'm still interested in boyish charms such as dating a very beautiful lass in town, and having wild sex without the consideration of settling down. Although, I have doubt of achieving such a superficial ideal because I have not realised it yet, I wonder how will I know to settle down if haven't achieved the ideal.
Recently, I was engaging in a very bad habit that, if found by potential lovers, will harm every chance of making my relationship dream come true. I have repeatedly had sex with prostitutes. This practice I condemn because I see no moral value in it. As the man that I am, I'm rehabilitating myself from engaging in this bad thing. While in this renewal of self, I will relentlessly persue the dream girl through unusual means which might have been condemned. That is trying to impress her with my style of fashion. The attempt to use queen's language very fluently and, unusual of me, project confidence. In addition to my social dilemma, i have come to understand that people have a way of reaching a conclusion. Last time I touched the good stuff, some guys thought I am a regular smoker. And incidentally I kissed a gay guy. Now everyone who heard or saw me think i'm gay but I saw that kiss as a convinient way of showing that people can do stuff just to cause as a stir and entertain not to say I'm gay. I'm a straight guy with abudant sexual desires. I have come out of those misdeeds strong and having learnt to do when people around you are quick to judge. These are some of engagement I would never see myself in ever
My objectives which I have vowed to see through are personally motivated for me to risk the idea of living with a girlfriend. As a human being, I have found my decision economically selfish ambitions which I have subjected myself to bearing the consequences than conforming.
The man that I am is only human who can be fallible but really trying hard to find sustaineble solutions.

There's nothing wrong with talking

Well....
I have come to an understanding that my incessant mood is very much in tune with the need to communicate in a higher level. However, this need has been interpreted as 'uncanny ability to brand oneself as distant and self-interested.
You are my judges in term of knowing whether there is any substance in what the majority of my critics would love to retort. Trying to think in a very indifferent level is neither wrong nor right. There is a moment in everyone's cycle to note that personal space is needed in order to reflect the direction one is going. I'm no exception to such reflection.
In essence, to communicate in very higher level is neither wrong nor right. I want to stress the fact that being oneself in a self-motivated market does not restrict one from the freedom of adaptability. When the market(people) reach aceratin stage, they find that there is a point in keeping quiet for a while. We, as human beings with undeniably complicated brains, realise that making contact is not enviromental necessary all the time.
Just imagine what is the result of keeping quiet when you are being offered an oppurtunity to make at least $30.000 per month to make happen the strategic objectives of an organisation. 'I don't think anyone will make a sustained effort of keeping quiet', i can hear you say.
I can tell you as we soeak right now that, I have an affinity(or shall i 'love with earning a salary that can, at least be of convinience in reaching my personal objectives')
When that opportunity is offered to me; I hope it should be offered to me, I will not rethink the reflective mood that i was in. All I will do is to remember that 'there's nothing wrong with talking'.

The Passion of Owen

Everyone has passion!Anything has passion.

The only passion that anyone could ever have is genuine passion. I think to uncover your passion one should reveal what one is not passinate about. I have passion for beautiful women not over thirty years old, but I have no subtle perseverance to lure them into my bed where I want them the most. I have love for sex and I expect them to understand my other failings because in bed that's where I perform better. I mean, why would we exhaust our sexual energy by going indirect to what you know. I f women were not human, then I would understand the softening part, but I normally do not know what am I expected to say to a women in order to have intercourse with them. Why don't they, when they have realised how much they love me, assume that I have told them anything they want to hear.
You see, I have passion for love, not conditional love, where your attitude will be judged.
I have passion for studying and finding things out. To complete my PPE degree is my utmost vision. I want to complete the course because of its possible eye-opening in the way of dealing with shaddy characters. The only thing I do not like about studying is when I cannot remember all my answers without looking at the book. Anyone who studied will tell that; 'when I study, I want to know what I have studied by heart so I can relate it to my reality.' By next year I will be studying five modules for the first semester. Overall, for the whole year, i'll be studying ten modules. It's a three year course and I think it's my mandate to finish the course within three years.
People!The controversial specie on earth. I love working with certain people. People who do not judge me that much because humankind grew from mistakes than from successes. No one I came to think would want to work with people who are not on the same wavelength as him because there won't be any progressive understanding of why difference is not a bad thing. I can't understand that the Dalai Lama once said,'positive thinking can be increased through looking down on other people.' If I misquote him, hell forgive me! the point of looking down on someone whose life is far more better than yours, financially, mentally, physically and psychologically. I can stand criticism but I can't take kindly destructive criticism because that eliminate the bond that two people wereto share for their own good.

Slight Humility

When you can't find the subtleties HUMILITY is the way to go. Just imagine when you don't have humility. Thinking that you can do better than the next person while he's taming you with his impressive advances, is unbiasely condemnable.
My critics have stated that I lack humility or, in their words 'humility is not part of my vocabulary'. I have been indifferent in their opinion, because everyone is entitled to their thoughts, even when it's not in my favour. Why would someone see no humility in you while you have not compared yourself to anyone and find something that makes you better than them.
I found humankind having humility of sort depending on the situation they are in.
Humility does not mean to take anything on faith. It's the chance to give anyone a chance to state their side of story while your listening allows you to see things from their side without any prejudice. It's the mark of a brave man to cut his losses and move on. My competitiveness, I only read about it. I never engaged in any competitive environment, because i'm not the kind of personality to say most things in my mind. Is that not the sign of humility.
Conversely, I'm not attempting to encourage the culture of wihtdrawal but the culture of reality. I can call it 'shame culture' if you don't mind.

What I do and say

There's a certain way that I do and say things in order to achieve a particular reaction.

When people ask me to do something that I do not really feel comfortable with, I don't become emotional or give a negative reaction. In an indifferent tone I just say 'sure' and do it. This normally happens when I'm outside home. You see at home I'm feel very strong and sure, with my mind in a lucid state. But I hope it's human nature to feel free at home. Nevertheless, because of my high ambition to make it as a marketing director, no, not only a marketing director but a true marketing genius, I have a reluctant urge to be with people to try understand their dynamic nature. But whenever I'm with those people I feel helpless and weak. My critics have pointed out that I'm a pigheaded, I hate taking orders from anyone. I find it very irrelevant to entertain the validity of their findings. The point to see why I need people's respect is not in me. With people, I expect them to remain themselves, disregarding the feelings I don't have for them. In blunt honest, I' m not expecting people to respect me because I trust my psychological strength to elevate me to medium confidence.
This is not an attempt to open myself to exploitation but at work, until I realise my ambition, I will remain a sarcastically 'yes man' remain with a good salary each months. In good terms this can be referred to as guile. And it should not mean that I actually do not take impressive responsibility and accountability, because I like the idea working hard while accumulating money, knowledge and experience of the corporate world.
My weakness have been to communicate within the terms of the industry, but I got reminded by John Sculley writing that stated, 'visionaries are constantly looking towards the horizon for the future, sometimes their is a lonesome battle, but through perseverance and intelligence their victory is amazing; even when it means losing some few battles along the way... This can be good motivation of a man who sees himself as not very bright but working towards brilliance in almost every activity he engage himself in.
I love to be honest....., my talk sometimes make me feel stupid.
I want..., I want... I want to communicate brilliantly and think clearly to make to that objective.....(you might have guessed by now)

Bit Materialistic Ideal

I was wearing blue denim diesel zathan jean with my dirty black all-stars takkies. With my ipod in my cellini, the feeling was good, playing music by my favourite artist, Thomas Chauke. His music can be equated to most classical music artists. I find his music relaxing, more especially when one is studying. Inside my cellini backpack was philosophy, economics and politics books which i study when not driving my red mini cooper and five times for an hour per week. My Apple macbook pro was the precious item that i had in my backpack. It contained my assignments that I was and working on for a ppe degree from the university of South Africa.

I couldn't get over the fact whether i was being overly materialistic with my lifestyle. Because i come across phrases which back up style, my head reminded me of the saying by Thabo Mbeki, outgoing South African president that 'greed works and South Africans are afraid of being rich'. Because he served not only as the president of the state someone I looked up to him for intellectual brilliance to brand myself not as a Moses who asked for wisdom without realising that you'll need to blend it with material resources. My thinking is derived from the fact that I see myself as not 'very selfish'. If I was selfish there would have been no reason for me to focus on my attempted thinking capability and reveal it.
Being material to me does not mean I do not have to own an apartment, which was designed to level with my personality. One bedroom combined with lounge and kitchen divided by a mini wall to make up an eating place plus a fitted gas and electric stove with a tap was the materialistic ideal. While i realised that my loss of words is not crime i hated the fact that I couldn't explain in detailed arrangement how the rest was like. However, I also knew that I had to admit that someone said I was full of 'I'.
Have you noticed 'I's in my communcation. I guess she was right but does it spoil my chances of one day becoming an eloquently persuasive, visionary, rether intelligent marketing director for some corporation that does mind the culture of difference? I hope not.

A Little Self

........a little bit of self will not hurt if you know how to project oneself geniunely'



This is idea of power has a powerful effect in bringing to light my yearning for insight on my personality and thinking style. I do not like to see myself as someone looking for power over others or anything for that matter. The power of an idea, which I would love find but unaware of what it is, is what motivates my attempt to be a good thinker.

Instead of fighting the idea of my personality from the eyes of the public i have decided to focus on what to do with an idea that comes to my mind. To be popular is not my priority but to get things right in time is one fundamental that drive me towards reaching heights which my critic would see as power obsession. By 'my critics', i'm referring to astrological readings because i hardly get around people so well that they can criticise my selfish ambitions. However, I also need to confess that my thoughts sometimes betray me when i attempt to express them. Honestly, no one wants to be at loss of words to give meaning to his thoughts, neither do I.
My checklist that I keep in my head, tells me there's more of me living in the head than I reality. This is good, provided I have something useful in my head to think about. I can't try to figure out what goes on great thinkers' heads because I would love to think something original myself.
In my quest to find the psychology of geniuses, I watched a movie,'A beautiful mind' with Tom Hanks as John Nash, the mathematical genius. I couldn't understand how genius he was because I never got the chance to critic his doctorate paper but I sensed the fact that his imaginary friend is similar to my speaking to myself.
When I grew up I used to come to a conclusion that in every brilliant thinker, there was a hint of madness.
Just imagine if I become a marketing director of an investment corporation(nothing about power), with my rather unsettling personality, pondering the competitive advantage of a our investment products. Will I be deemed a misfit if my thinking is wholly geniune but not looking at the consumers at the time? By not 'looking at the consumers', I mean using consumer behaviour techniques than playing at the crowd.

I'm my own critic, that's why I don't give people enough time to be more closer to me........

Dreaming is Easy

In the past three years, i have been dreaming/imagining myself as a very succesful man. My imagination was so powerful that i actully saw myself within the succesful situation, which i know not what it's like in reality. Being obsessed with marketing, I recall reading a book by the then Pepsi and Apple, marketing manager and CEO, John Sculley-whom i learned the ideas of marketing and vowed to practice marketing refering to his ideas- that marketing is not a set of skill but an attitude, a way of thinking. 'Marketing is what you do after you have 'guessed' well. Most succesful marketer had no background in marketing, they were merely good thinkers.' If other marketing executives who made it to the 'top' without its background what did they think differently to realise marketing functions? I said 'think' because, in my understanding markeiting cannot be 'done' literally.
Because when i get the opportunity to be in marketing, especially service marketing because it's more challenging in my mind to think about, i want to think like any brilliant marketer, i ponder about the effect of current global economic slowdown(except China) in pricing services like banking, shipping,investment management and construction,etc. Globalisation, a concept founded by the father of 'Marketing Myopia', Theodore Levitt, has ensured shipping become the norm with ease. Current economic slowdown, which i would love to see diminishing, can affect shipping rates because of rising fuel cost. But 'banking', i can't understand how should consumers' charge be higher if these services do not require fuel to be transferred to other countries or region. When marketing executives sits in the boardroom of their banks, do they brainstorm how to break-even within a specified quarter time?

Back to my imagination.........

My vivid imagination took me to one area that I felt confused being in. It was me standing in front of powerful business executives giving a presentation. To my fascination I couldn't comprehend what to say or what i was saying. (If you have any ideas, you are welcome to comment). Like everyone who went to a school of some sort, I was required to give presentation a couple of time. Before i got to the stage, I was nervous how people will react to my message. This has limited my style of presentation i had planned the day before. I could not finish my presentation because of the fear that gripped me. Secondly, I tried imagining myself 'thinking'. What was i thinking about? I said to myself, 'you are thinking, thinking great things'. In reality, i asked myself how do one imagine himself thinking? Isn't it the thought processes in the same mental department as imagination?
Most of my imagination are left unsaid because i have a tendency to believe what i imagine since i read a saying by Albert Einstein,' imagination is more powerful than knowledge,' and John Sculley, who wrote 'imagination often wins over cold hard facts'.
Maybe it will be true one day, but dreaming is easy!

Marketing Fascination

I have a confession that i once thought my practicality will help resolve. 'I love marketing, but...' as a twenty-two year-old in 2005, after graduating from my two year diploma in media and journalism i forged a career vision which will see me in markeitng as a marketing dierctor in ten-years time earning R35,000,00 per month. This is very interesting, considering the fact i don't hold any qualification in marketing. I only completed modules in marketing on my media diploma. It entailed the marketing mixes, marketing management processes, branding and so forth. Three years after(2008) i'm still battling with the practical concepts of marketing in any given industry. When any company starts its operation the pricing, products/services are designed, distribution and promotion planned(marketing mix). Three years later, through delicate strategy I can't figure out, the company is a brand.
As an action who has average intellectual acuity, i'm not known for deep thinking, even though some of people i have spent my social time with and my star sign said i'm very intelligent; thus i know not whether marketing departments' teams sit the whole time thinking new strategies and visualise its implementation therefafter swot analyse the marketing strategy from the eyes of the target market. If this is how they do it, then, for an adventurous man like I, this will mean being boring. Not to say i dislike being boring but i'm trying to find some solution to make marketing more adventurous without losing its direction

Branding....

After my observation, branding tie up with advertising than with any other marketing function because in consumer behaviour modules(the one i completed in my two-year diploma), advertising dictates an overwhelming sensation as to how consumer percieve the product/service and the company as whole. I still do not know why people are attracted to things if find rather unsophisticated, but i also recalled the writings of many astrologer on my sign stating that `i'm foolhardy, not very detailed OR anythinghich can dessociated me from marketing career'. It hurt me so hard, but i said to myself `if this is what you want then, change your thinking about it.' Then i was branding my perception about my love of marketing.

More marketing fascination to come forth. But i want to see through people to find out how can i adeptly align my not so brilliant intellect to their interest.

I also tried to find the personality profile of marketing executives, who i think come to the office dressed in designer suits, very polished(branding). I found that to be a marketer you have to be good with people, have tremendous communication skills, be creative, logical thinker and be good with numbers, in order to wisely spend marketing budget-i think this is very relevant, just imagine how will a marketing director of multinational distribute US$2.5 billion across all countries' offices without a hitch. This is why i have tirelessly tried to make my weak number punching look very natural.